Book Review: The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

Let me start with my conclusion. READ. THIS. BOOK. Are you white? READ THIS BOOK. Are you black? READ THIS BOOK. Are you any color in between? READ THIS BOOK.

It's at times like this when I wish I had better writing skills. That I could put guttural feelings into words and inspire generations. Instead, there are far better reviews online for this book than the one I'm going to give, but I will proceed, as best as I am able, nonetheless. I hope this will at least help encourage those I know to...READ THIS BOOK.

What brought me to this book?
In an effort to be vulnerable and transparent I feel that I should confess just some of the white privilege that I have unwittingly partaken in. My knowledge of African American history and the true plight that those of color have gone through, and continue to go through today, was severely lacking. It still is. It essentially consisted of being taught (at a high level) about slavery, the Civil War, and the Civil Rights Movement. After that, racism was deemed illegal and everything is now good. Ha. Like I said...severely lacking. Look, I knew that there was still racism in our country, but I always attributed it to certain places (e.g. The South) and certain, obviously racist people. In reality, it was out of sight, out of mind. White privilege.

But then I started dating an African American man. I wish I could say that I was instantly empathetic and enlightened, but I wasn't. In all honesty, I don't think I wanted to be. I didn't want my view of humanity to crumble. I didn't want to think that we as a society could unconsciously (and sometimes very consciously) degrade and undervalue other people. So I subconsciously chose not to see it. White privilege.

The New Jim Crow is a book I saw him reading near the beginning of our relationship. I desperately wish I had read it then. Unfortunately, it wasn't until a year later, that I was ready to have my eyes opened wider. White privilege.

What did I think of the book (in a nutshell)?
(Note that I debated quite a bit over how much information to present within this review. There's a part of me that wants to share the details of the author's argument so that people will start thinking about it and hopefully read the book. In the end, though, I am certain that I would do her argument a disservice and I want you to get the full impact from the author herself. If you think this is the wrong decision, please let me know. I'd be happy to reevaluate.)

After reading the introduction, I didn't want to believe the author's theory. I don't think anyone will WANT to believe it. But I will confess that I was skeptical. For me, she was going to have to present her case really well. She did. The amount of research and statistics presented in the book is astonishing, eye opening, and depressing. While I have yet to read any counter arguments (and I would like to, if they're out there) I believe it would be hard to invalidate many of the elements to her thesis. Even if someone were able to effectively refute her final conclusion, each of the building blocks are worrisome in themselves.

I went through a myriad of emotions because of this book. It started with fear. Honestly, I was afraid that her argument might be true. This was my white privilege rearing its ugly head. As a white person I've been able to walk away from race relations discussions unscathed. Out of sight, out of mind. But how would my life change if my eyes were opened to the horrific, and legal, racism being practiced in America today? I don't think I would be able to close them again. And, sadly, that's frightening. After all, ignorance is bliss. Equally frightening was the idea that after being enlightened, I would hibernate into my white privilege once again. So, yes, I'm not proud of it, but I'll fully admit that I was afraid when I first started reading this book.

Most of my fear quickly turned to anger, though. Angry that this is going on in our country today...and has been for decades. Anger at each one of the systemic laws and practices by themselves, that put together paints a horrendous picture. Angry that I have been blind and indifferent for so long.

Then the sadness came. At one point, I was reading the book in a coffee shop and had to actively work to hold back my tears. How can we be so cruel to each other? How come we can't see that we are all human and equal in God's eyes? How come we can't honor and celebrate our differences, rather than degrading others? How come we can't serve and look out for each other, rather than walking over them as we aim to climb the ladder of success? How can we as a nation realize and mourn our history and current practices? How can I be part of the solution when I feel so helpless and ill-equipped?

Final verdict
I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is not a happy book. No book about race relations is. But it's a necessary, educational, and eye opening book. I know this "review" didn't present any details of the book itself, but I'm hoping that my raw emotions and reactions will inspire others to venture out and read a book that will challenge them, but could also change their life and society for the better.

To the white people out there, you have to come to a conclusion as to what racism in America looks like today. Learn from my mistake...don't avoid making this conclusion because it's easier not to. Ignorance may be bliss for you, but it is hell for those who are experiencing racism day in and day out. Don't make your conclusion based on your small, white world. Don't make your conclusion without talking to and learning from African Americans. Understand the true meaning of white privilege and understand how indifference is greatly contributing to the problem. As Martin Luther King, Jr said, "It may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, 'Wait on time.' "

To the African Americans out there, I lament. I lament what this country has done to you. I lament what this country is still doing to you. I lament the fact that I have chosen for so long to turn a blind eye to your history and your pain because it was easier for me. I vow to do better. I vow to no longer be indifferent. I vow to do my best to open other people's eyes in love and compassion. I vow to stand with you. I vow to continue to learn, seek understanding, and lament.

So, I will end with how I began. READ. THIS. BOOK. Don't be indifferent. Challenge yourself. Open your mind. Step out of your comfort zone. Expand your understanding. Learn. Love!

Book Review: Approval Addiction: Overcoming Your Need to Please Everyone by Joyce Meyer

(The book cover sure could use an update!)

Addictions. Such a complicated word. Such a complicated reality. As Joyce Meyer defines it in Approval Addiction: Overcoming Your Need to Please Everyone, "an addiction is something that controls people - something they feel they cannot do without or something they do to alleviate pain or pressure. It is what people run to when they are hurting or feel lonely."

We've all heard about certain addictions - to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping, exercise, eating, working, etc. But an addiction to approval? What's wrong with wanting approval? Just like many of the common addictions, nothing is wrong with the focus of the addiction itself (though there are definitely some where that's not the case). It's the addiction part that throws us off balance from a healthy state of being. In reference to approval addiction, as Meyer puts it, "when a person has an addiction the things they are addicted to are on their minds most of the time. Therefore, if a person is an approval addict, he or she will have an abnormal concern and an abundance of thoughts about what people think of them."

What brought me to this book?
I will admit to having some addictions, in particular an addiction to caffeine (usually in the form of Diet Soda, unless I'm in the midst of quitting it....again). And I'll admit that I seek approval from people, but an addiction to it? Well, somewhere inside of me I must've wondered if there was more in me than a normal seeking of approval, because the book title popped out at me from a list of recommended books provided at a Wellness Conference.

What did I think of the book (in a nutshell)?
Although I didn't agree with everything she said, I was glad I read the book. Ultimately the message is that we need to focus on our identity in Christ. We should pray and live into THAT identity rather than giving it away to others and subconsciously asking them to provide us with an identity that we already have.

The passage that hit me the most was the following:
"People who are in relationships with approval addicts feel manipulated instead of loved because the main focus of approval addicts is on feeling good about themselves. Everything centers on them, and soon the other parties in their relationships feel used. These wounded individuals are usually easily offended and touchy. Everyone must walk on eggshells when around them. They cannot be confronted or corrected simply because they already feel so bad about themselves that they cannot handle anyone even mentioning a fault in them or an area about their personality that needs improvement." (bold format added)

I never thought of myself as a manipulative person, but in this context I could see how my actions can be manipulative, especially within specific relationships, even though that's not my conscious intent. I'm also not proud to admit it, but the last sentence hit me hard. I've gotten much better at valuing myself, but still find that I take many things too personally. I'm all about working on myself and I appreciate people telling me the truth, but I tend to feel threatened or berated if it's not done in an extra loving, kind way (which is probably where the "eggshells" comment comes in). Yeah, it's something I'm actively working on.

Overall, the book didn't instantly change my life, but contained a message I needed to hear (my identity in Christ) and opened my eyes to the actions that I unconsciously take to feed my approval addiction. I'm now prayerfully working on living into my relationship with Christ through the Holy Spirit.

Additional comments
The book was first published in 2005 and could use an update. I think there is an opportunity to talk about approval addiction as it pertains to social media (which wasn't mentioned, presumably because it wasn't as prevalent at the time). Also, the Bible verses were hard to read as they were presented. Example: "May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love. (Ephesians 3:17)"

Final verdict
I lightly recommend this book. I think approval addiction is a fascinating subject that many people should evaluate for themselves. Her prescription for approval addiction (finding our identity in Christ, among other things) is valid and something everyone can work on whether they are an approval addict or not. I would be curious if there are other books on the subject as I believe this one could use an update and be presented a bit better. If approval addiction is something you're struggling with, though, this is a good place to start.

Currently Used Products

Last updated: 6/10/17

On this page I will keep track of all the beauty products I currently use. For now, it's a bit sparse as I slowly replace my horribly unclean products with cleaner ones.

I've included the EWG ratings (when available) as well as where to buy the product.

Body

• Lotion: Aveeno Active Naturals - Daily Moisturizing Lotion 
• EWG - 2/Fair
• Amazon
• Deodorant: Native 
• EWG - not on EWG, but all found ingredients are 1
• Native
• Sunscreen: 
• Hand soap: 

Face (non-makeup)

• Face wash:
• Batty's Bath - Active Charcoal CP Soap Bar
• EWG - 1/Fair
• Batty's Bath
• Batty's Bath - Mild Jojoba Facial Scrub
• EWG - 2/Limited
• Batty's Bath
• Hydration: Batty's Bath - Hydra Healing Skin Rescue Gel
• EWG - 1/Limited (old formula)
• Batty's Bath
• Moisturizer: Batty's Bath - Daily Detox (Primer) Facial Moisturizer
• EWG - 1/Limited
• Batty's Bath
• Mask: Batty's Bath - Charcoal Detox Mask
• EWG - 1/Limited
• Batty's Bath
• Note: facial cleansing products are from Batty's Bath detox kit
• Eye makeup remover:
• Eye cream:
• Eye lash serum: 
• Sunscreen: 

Makeup

• Foundation: 
• Concealer (under eye): NYX Cosmetics - Dark Circle Concealer
• EWG - 2/Limited
• Amazon
• Powder (translucent):
• Mascara: Physicians Formula - Organic Wear Mascara
• EWG - 1/Limited
• Amazon
• Eye shadow:

Shower

• Shampoo: 
• Conditioner: 
• Leave-in:
• Body wash: 

House

• Laundry detergent: 
• Fabric softener:
• Dish soap: 
• Dishwasher detergent:
• General cleaner:

My Chemical Detox - Skin Deep database

After making the decision to go cosmetically "clean" I almost immediately overwhelmed myself. I started, as I said in my last post, by putting together a list of ingredients to look out for in products. Unfortunately, I knew that if I took the time to research every ingredient on that list to know *why* I should avoid it and then validate those findings I'd never make any changes, so for the time being I made the assumption that these people know what they're talking about.

Equipped with this list I made my way to the store. If a product had an ingredient on the list I put it back on the shelf. I was specifically in the "natural" aisle so I really didn't think it would take too long and I'd have a fairly large choice of options. Um…no. I admit that I didn't look at ALL the products available, but it took a good 20-30 minutes to find a face wash and night moisturizer that did fairly well when compared to my list. That's way too long in my opinion, but I was still pumped. I was on my way to being clean and healthy!

My excitement (and pride in myself for making the clean choice), didn't last long, though. You see, in my mind, I typically equate "clean" products with being better working products (when compared to "not so clean" versions). Um…no. Better for you? Very likely. Better working on your skin? Not always.

Now, I completely understand that the clear-ness of your face is decided by many different factors - what you eat, genetics, hormones, your skincare regimen, etc. But in my mind, the easiest thing to blame, and change, is your skincare products and routine. Which is why I imagined my acne (yes, I'm in my late 30s and have acne…so fun!) would clear right up when I started using clean products. Um…no. But, based on my first shopping experience, how was I ever going to find a clean product that worked for my face?! Sigh.

It was at this point that I came across the Skin Deep Cosmetic Database by EWG. This is a website where you can look up ingredients or products and see how good or bad they are for you, based on the research available. While the site is far from perfect I find it a great resource as someone who hasn't done all the research myself. My biggest frustration is that the product I'm looking for often isn't included in their database. But, to be fair, there are millions of products out there…they can't ALL be in there! Plus, if I really wanted to I could build my own report by inputting all the ingredients in the product. I have yet to find an ingredient not found in their database (that I can remember, at least).

You can go to the site to learn exactly how it works, but in a nutshell the database rates products and ingredients with two ratings - a hazard rating (1 being the best or lowest hazard and 7 being the worst or highest hazard) and a data availability rating (with a range from None to Robust). The cleanest rating a product or ingredient can get, therefore, is 1/Robust.

What I found interesting, after surfing the website for a while (does anyone still say "surfing the web"?), is that many products can have a 1 (low hazard) rating even though they have an ingredient on someone's "avoid at all cost" list. That made me sigh with relief and stress me out at the same time. On the one hand, it meant that the use of "avoid at all cost" lists can be too strict. On the other hand, it meant that it's not as "easy" as just using an "avoid at all cost" list. You have to take more into account. Sigh.

The good news, though, is that EWG's Skin Deep group does all the research for you. Yes, you have to trust someone else's work. But you don't have to spend years re-learning chemistry and reading hundreds of scientific studies. I know which of those options I'm picking. If you happen to remember your chemistry or want to read horribly boring (to me) scientific studies the database denotes their data sources and includes some chemistry type of information as well.

I've found it easy to get lost or overwhelmed with the Skin Deep database, but overall it has been very helpful. In fact, it helped me find the new basic skin care regimen I'm currently using. More on that next time.

My Cosmetic Detox - Background

It all started when my friend, who is always looking for a way to make a bit more travel money, told me we should start an Etsy business selling soaps and natural beauty products. I always love DIY projects so I was intrigued.

I'm not one to just jump into something at the drop of a hat, though…unless it's really stupid, of course…then I manage to ignore the need for any premeditation. Anyway, the next day I borrowed a few books from the library and started reading up on DIY beauty products. Oh boy.

I have a tendency to be pretty trusting of the written word (within reason, I'd like to think). So when I started reading about all the chemicals in our beauty products and how they're going to kill us all (ok, not really, but it sure feels like it sometimes), I was convinced that I needed to rid myself of these chemicals.

Here's my first problem…I'm typically an all or nothing kind of person. My first thought after reading some of these books was "I have to get rid of every product I own" and "I need to know every single ingredient I need to avoid." It was at this point that I became overwhelmed…before I had even started. This is why I've typically avoided learning anything about all these bad products in the past. It's just easier not to think about it. "We've lived for so long with these products and are still alive." "They're not banned by our government." "Would a company really knowingly harm me?!" I've told myself this, and more, many times throughout my life. And I've avoided thinking too hard about the truth or logic behind each statement. It's true…ignorance is bliss.

While I haven't researched every "bad" ingredient out there and therefore don't know exactly why some people consider it bad for me (yet…hopefully), I have come to a point where I want to at least give the "clean living" a shot.

Here's my second problem…going "all natural" or "chemical free" is bloody hard. It's confusing, time consuming, and you can't always see the benefits of making the change. And funny enough, going "all natural" or "chemical free" aren't really accurate names for the goal (I still haven't decided what the right phrase is yet). There are many natural products that one should avoid. Likewise, there are many chemicals that can be quite beneficial.

There is rarely any consensus about the danger of many cosmetic ingredients, either. One "expert", for example, believes you should always avoid lanolin, while another thinks it really only needs to be avoided if you're allergic to it. Because of the differing studies or opinions and the fact that the majority of the "bad" ingredients are used because they are cheap and/or effective, nearly every product out there has at least one ingredient that is on someone's "list of ingredients to avoid at all costs." This is hard for a girl who's all or nothing.

In fact, when I started my journey I knew I didn't have the time, energy, or patience to research every "bad" ingredient so I just made a list based on numerous other lists of ingredients to avoid and brought it with me to the supermarket in hopes of finding a new face moisturizer. I was in the "healthy" aisle and yet I could barely find a product that didn't have one of those ingredients in it. Let me tell you, I got a few looks as I stood in the aisle reading the composition of product after product and comparing the nonsensical ingredient names to the list on my phone.

It's, unfortunately, much more complicated than just shopping at Whole Foods or the "natural" aisle in your supermarket.

But I have decided not to give up yet. I now have a new mindset and a rough plan. That plan? Patience. Taking it one product at a time.

That probably sounds like elementary to many people. But as an "all or nothing" kind of girl this is new for me. This is also where this blog comes in. It's not so much a blog for other people as it is somewhere I can record my "learnings" and experiences so I can easily reference them as time goes by.

If anyone does read this, besides myself, I hope you find my journey helpful (assuming I get anywhere with it). If you have any advice, I'd love to hear it. However, I ask that any statements made as fact (e.g. "parabens are horrible for you") are followed by some sort of reference for said fact. In this journey, I'm also trying to be more critical of what I hear/read. I'm far from being any good at it yet, but one has to start somewhere. 

~Erin

P.S. Forewarning - I love using quotation marks and exclamation points! I also stink at grammar and am not a great writer. Apologies up front!

Coral Baby Shower Cake

Baby shower cake I made for a friend of mine. Lemon cake, lavender flavored (and colored) buttercream and homemade marshmallow fondant. I wish I got a picture of the inside. The lemon cake and lavender buttercream was beautiful.

Cat Food - Calorie Percentages

One day, as I was researching a raw food diet for my cat, I came across the following site: catinfo.org. While I wasn't ready to go the all raw route (mostly because one of my cats has kidney problems) I found the information on the commercial wet cat food quite interesting. I didn't realize how lacking most of the cat food out there is. Many companies that advertise that they are nourishing our babies are really just giving them some good stuff mixed in with a lot of unnecessary junk.

Have you ever tried to read the nutritional information on a cat food label? It's not like human labels, is it? Maximum this. Minimum that. It's confusing. I won't go into all the fun of the cat food label (you can read more about it on catinfo.org if you'd like). I will mention, though, that there is a blatant lack of carbohydrate information. As I've learned, you have to be a bit of a mathematician to figure it out. And after you do figure it out, what then? What's the best way to digest the information? I would suggest looking at the it as the percentages of calories coming from protein, fat, and carbs (the three sources of calories in food). As you can see on the catinfo.org site, she has done a lot of work to provide this information (along with additional info) to us. However, the list hasn't been updated in a very long time and I found most of the percentages out of date. I also found the site cram packed with information, but hard to digest since it's kind of all over the place. Therefore, I have taken some time to update the values and provide the information a bit differently.

I have provided the calorie percentages, kcal/oz (so we can compare them across the board), and the moisture maximum %. I include the moisture % because of the recommended tips on finding the best food for your cat (below). This is not a complete list of wet cat foods out there. I am still in the process of gathering information from websites. I am starting at brands found at Petco and Petsmart, as they are the most commonly found brands. I will brand out from there after those are complete.

Tips for finding the best food for your cat:

• Stick to 10% or less carbohydrates.
• Try to get food higher in protein than in fat.
• For cost savings, stay at or below 78% moisture. Anything more than that and you're just paying for extra water.

Table: Wet Cat Food Calories by Percentage