Book Review: The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson

The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson

What brought me to this book?
This was another recommended book from a Wellness Conference I went to. What drew me to it was my wanting to overcome negative thoughts and irrational feelings. Realizing that you have negative thoughts and irrational feelings is a great first step, but it doesn't mean you can just stop having those thoughts or feelings. I mean I have 30+ years of practice. Unfortunately, those are hard habits to break free from.

What did I think of the book (in a nutshell)?
This book definitely wasn't what I expected. One of his main focuses is how Satan (and demons) works in the world today. The topic came out of left field for me so I was a bit on guard, but I trusted the source of the book recommendation so kept reading. While I think he focuses on some possibly extreme cases a bit too much, it was actually an interesting topic to think through. I certainly don't know exactly how Satan works today, but I think, because of this book, it will be something that I continue to ponder and contemplate. In the past I've just avoided thinking about it because it kind of freaks me out. But that doesn't mean spiritual warfare isn't real. And if it is real, I should learn about it, rather than just pretend it doesn't exist.

The other focus of the book is our identity in Christ. (I've started to see this theme a lot lately in the books I've been reading and sermons I've been listening to....I wonder if the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me something?! Ha!). In order to overcome the lies we've believed and deceptions that have taken our focus off of Christ in us, we have to put on the amour of God and live into that identity.

The Steps to Freedom in Christ at the end of the book reminded me of the 12 Steps that I did in my Spiritual Journey class (though they aren't exactly the same). They include things like forgiving others and making amends for the wrongs you've done. These are great practices and he walks you through them pretty well. There were a few things in here that I wasn't sure about though, like the implication that sarcasm is a sin that we need to confess and repent of.

Final verdict
I would lightly recommend this book, with caution. I think some people will bristle at the topic of Satan working in lives today, but I would challenge them to have an open mind and think through why they resist the conversation. The overall message of the book is a great subject and I believe that truly going through the steps at the end of the book will help strengthen your relationship with Christ. Unfortunately, what's practiced in the steps isn't something that you do once and you're good to go for the rest of your life (boy do I wish). They are things we should continue to practice on an ongoing basis (such as forgiveness and confession).

Book Review: The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

Let me start with my conclusion. READ. THIS. BOOK. Are you white? READ THIS BOOK. Are you black? READ THIS BOOK. Are you any color in between? READ THIS BOOK.

It's at times like this when I wish I had better writing skills. That I could put guttural feelings into words and inspire generations. Instead, there are far better reviews online for this book than the one I'm going to give, but I will proceed, as best as I am able, nonetheless. I hope this will at least help encourage those I know to...READ THIS BOOK.

What brought me to this book?
In an effort to be vulnerable and transparent I feel that I should confess just some of the white privilege that I have unwittingly partaken in. My knowledge of African American history and the true plight that those of color have gone through, and continue to go through today, was severely lacking. It still is. It essentially consisted of being taught (at a high level) about slavery, the Civil War, and the Civil Rights Movement. After that, racism was deemed illegal and everything is now good. Ha. Like I said...severely lacking. Look, I knew that there was still racism in our country, but I always attributed it to certain places (e.g. The South) and certain, obviously racist people. In reality, it was out of sight, out of mind. White privilege.

But then I started dating an African American man. I wish I could say that I was instantly empathetic and enlightened, but I wasn't. In all honesty, I don't think I wanted to be. I didn't want my view of humanity to crumble. I didn't want to think that we as a society could unconsciously (and sometimes very consciously) degrade and undervalue other people. So I subconsciously chose not to see it. White privilege.

The New Jim Crow is a book I saw him reading near the beginning of our relationship. I desperately wish I had read it then. Unfortunately, it wasn't until a year later, that I was ready to have my eyes opened wider. White privilege.

What did I think of the book (in a nutshell)?
(Note that I debated quite a bit over how much information to present within this review. There's a part of me that wants to share the details of the author's argument so that people will start thinking about it and hopefully read the book. In the end, though, I am certain that I would do her argument a disservice and I want you to get the full impact from the author herself. If you think this is the wrong decision, please let me know. I'd be happy to reevaluate.)

After reading the introduction, I didn't want to believe the author's theory. I don't think anyone will WANT to believe it. But I will confess that I was skeptical. For me, she was going to have to present her case really well. She did. The amount of research and statistics presented in the book is astonishing, eye opening, and depressing. While I have yet to read any counter arguments (and I would like to, if they're out there) I believe it would be hard to invalidate many of the elements to her thesis. Even if someone were able to effectively refute her final conclusion, each of the building blocks are worrisome in themselves.

I went through a myriad of emotions because of this book. It started with fear. Honestly, I was afraid that her argument might be true. This was my white privilege rearing its ugly head. As a white person I've been able to walk away from race relations discussions unscathed. Out of sight, out of mind. But how would my life change if my eyes were opened to the horrific, and legal, racism being practiced in America today? I don't think I would be able to close them again. And, sadly, that's frightening. After all, ignorance is bliss. Equally frightening was the idea that after being enlightened, I would hibernate into my white privilege once again. So, yes, I'm not proud of it, but I'll fully admit that I was afraid when I first started reading this book.

Most of my fear quickly turned to anger, though. Angry that this is going on in our country today...and has been for decades. Anger at each one of the systemic laws and practices by themselves, that put together paints a horrendous picture. Angry that I have been blind and indifferent for so long.

Then the sadness came. At one point, I was reading the book in a coffee shop and had to actively work to hold back my tears. How can we be so cruel to each other? How come we can't see that we are all human and equal in God's eyes? How come we can't honor and celebrate our differences, rather than degrading others? How come we can't serve and look out for each other, rather than walking over them as we aim to climb the ladder of success? How can we as a nation realize and mourn our history and current practices? How can I be part of the solution when I feel so helpless and ill-equipped?

Final verdict
I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is not a happy book. No book about race relations is. But it's a necessary, educational, and eye opening book. I know this "review" didn't present any details of the book itself, but I'm hoping that my raw emotions and reactions will inspire others to venture out and read a book that will challenge them, but could also change their life and society for the better.

To the white people out there, you have to come to a conclusion as to what racism in America looks like today. Learn from my mistake...don't avoid making this conclusion because it's easier not to. Ignorance may be bliss for you, but it is hell for those who are experiencing racism day in and day out. Don't make your conclusion based on your small, white world. Don't make your conclusion without talking to and learning from African Americans. Understand the true meaning of white privilege and understand how indifference is greatly contributing to the problem. As Martin Luther King, Jr said, "It may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, 'Wait on time.' "

To the African Americans out there, I lament. I lament what this country has done to you. I lament what this country is still doing to you. I lament the fact that I have chosen for so long to turn a blind eye to your history and your pain because it was easier for me. I vow to do better. I vow to no longer be indifferent. I vow to do my best to open other people's eyes in love and compassion. I vow to stand with you. I vow to continue to learn, seek understanding, and lament.

So, I will end with how I began. READ. THIS. BOOK. Don't be indifferent. Challenge yourself. Open your mind. Step out of your comfort zone. Expand your understanding. Learn. Love!

Book Review: Approval Addiction: Overcoming Your Need to Please Everyone by Joyce Meyer

(The book cover sure could use an update!)

Addictions. Such a complicated word. Such a complicated reality. As Joyce Meyer defines it in Approval Addiction: Overcoming Your Need to Please Everyone, "an addiction is something that controls people - something they feel they cannot do without or something they do to alleviate pain or pressure. It is what people run to when they are hurting or feel lonely."

We've all heard about certain addictions - to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping, exercise, eating, working, etc. But an addiction to approval? What's wrong with wanting approval? Just like many of the common addictions, nothing is wrong with the focus of the addiction itself (though there are definitely some where that's not the case). It's the addiction part that throws us off balance from a healthy state of being. In reference to approval addiction, as Meyer puts it, "when a person has an addiction the things they are addicted to are on their minds most of the time. Therefore, if a person is an approval addict, he or she will have an abnormal concern and an abundance of thoughts about what people think of them."

What brought me to this book?
I will admit to having some addictions, in particular an addiction to caffeine (usually in the form of Diet Soda, unless I'm in the midst of quitting it....again). And I'll admit that I seek approval from people, but an addiction to it? Well, somewhere inside of me I must've wondered if there was more in me than a normal seeking of approval, because the book title popped out at me from a list of recommended books provided at a Wellness Conference.

What did I think of the book (in a nutshell)?
Although I didn't agree with everything she said, I was glad I read the book. Ultimately the message is that we need to focus on our identity in Christ. We should pray and live into THAT identity rather than giving it away to others and subconsciously asking them to provide us with an identity that we already have.

The passage that hit me the most was the following:
"People who are in relationships with approval addicts feel manipulated instead of loved because the main focus of approval addicts is on feeling good about themselves. Everything centers on them, and soon the other parties in their relationships feel used. These wounded individuals are usually easily offended and touchy. Everyone must walk on eggshells when around them. They cannot be confronted or corrected simply because they already feel so bad about themselves that they cannot handle anyone even mentioning a fault in them or an area about their personality that needs improvement." (bold format added)

I never thought of myself as a manipulative person, but in this context I could see how my actions can be manipulative, especially within specific relationships, even though that's not my conscious intent. I'm also not proud to admit it, but the last sentence hit me hard. I've gotten much better at valuing myself, but still find that I take many things too personally. I'm all about working on myself and I appreciate people telling me the truth, but I tend to feel threatened or berated if it's not done in an extra loving, kind way (which is probably where the "eggshells" comment comes in). Yeah, it's something I'm actively working on.

Overall, the book didn't instantly change my life, but contained a message I needed to hear (my identity in Christ) and opened my eyes to the actions that I unconsciously take to feed my approval addiction. I'm now prayerfully working on living into my relationship with Christ through the Holy Spirit.

Additional comments
The book was first published in 2005 and could use an update. I think there is an opportunity to talk about approval addiction as it pertains to social media (which wasn't mentioned, presumably because it wasn't as prevalent at the time). Also, the Bible verses were hard to read as they were presented. Example: "May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love. (Ephesians 3:17)"

Final verdict
I lightly recommend this book. I think approval addiction is a fascinating subject that many people should evaluate for themselves. Her prescription for approval addiction (finding our identity in Christ, among other things) is valid and something everyone can work on whether they are an approval addict or not. I would be curious if there are other books on the subject as I believe this one could use an update and be presented a bit better. If approval addiction is something you're struggling with, though, this is a good place to start.